It takes a certain kind to leave a review.

Hotel guest reviews are booming! Hotel management companies and General Managers everywhere are flying into action to be sure every guest feels heard. Now, it’s the hotel’s chance to be heard. GMs, we know you love the feedback gained from insightful reviews. On those occasions where a review hasn’t been so helpful, you’ve reacted with professionalism and poise. Good for you! As your reward, take a moment to relish…

The Hotel Review Responses You’d LOVE to Write, but Won’t:

Review: There was a Chinchilla in my room

“I HATE THIS HOTEL! I hate everything about it. The people are rude. The lobby stinks. I found a cockroach, bedbugs, a mouse, a rat and a chinchilla in my room. Stay away!!!!!!!”


Dear Reviewer,

I googled Chinchilla to see exactly what one looks like. Here is a picture. Is this what you saw? This thing is so dang cute! So cute that we may give one away to every guest. On another note, I’m impressed that you remembered every threat you made while loudly voicing your opinion of our stated check-in time to me in the full lobby and followed through with them all (truly). That said, I stand by my decision to not give you your room for free because you couldn’t check in at 10 am. You see, it takes a little time to hand clean each room by a real person — we don’t employ room-cleaning fairies with magic wands (I wish)! Also, if I gave every room away, how would the nice people who work here make a living? Our reasonable nightly rate pays the salary of all the hard-working people here. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if your employer could scream her way out of handing you a paycheck. Right? Let’s all get along, now.

Review: Ugliest hotel room EVER

“Where to start. The carpet is a horrible shade of red and the couch in the room looks like you pulled it off the side of the road. The drapes didn’t block out any light and the bedspread was dingy. This place desperately needs paint and new furniture. I wouldn’t recommend this hotel to anyone.”


Dear Reviewer,

I’ve attached a picture of the scene you described. It’s pretty bad. I threw up a little in my mouth. Here’s a thought — do you think you might be exaggerating just a little? I’m thrilled to report that other people have quite a different perspective on the hotel’s aesthetics and we were just featured in Architectural Digest! Stick to the facts, please.

Review: Wait, what?

“So, I didn’t really like the hotel. We all got together for Grandpa’s birthday at the restaurant down the street. The atmosphere was pretty good, but the server dropped a drink in my lap. I wouldn’t recommend eating there.”


Dear Reviewer,

Thanks for stopping by. Since we’re discussing the restaurant down the street and not actually the hotel… What did you order? Was it yummy? Did you get angry at the server? What presents did your grandpa get? Did he like them? Do you think that maybe your review could have been a little more relevant?

Review: The Most Wonderful Hotel in the Universe

“I love this hotel! I love the staff! I love the pool! I love the rooms! You’d be crazy not to stay here!”


Dear Mom,

Thank you for coming to visit my hotel. You’re the best. Love you!

In Conclusion

Reviewers who write unhelpful reviews – come on! Up your game! We all know you have it in you to be awesome, objective reviewers. General Managers, we know you live for those balanced reviews that give you the info you need to continue to strive to make your hotel the best it can be. More are coming. Stay strong.

About the Authors:
David and Lori Metze lead Cloud Social Response Team, a time-saving hotel and resort review management service that frees up the time of General Managers by properly responding to and reporting on valuable guest feedback. Along with their team, they’ve read and responded to thousands of hotel reviews. Lori is also a professional travel writer who reviews luxury hotels and resorts every month.